Fake It Till You Make It: How To Master The Art Of Appearing Confident
Ever felt like you had a great idea but hesitated to share it because you lacked confidence? Or maybe you have passed up on a great opportunity because the idea of putting yourself centre stage is terrifying. A lack of self confidence needn’t hold you back. There are many hacks and tricks that you can engage with in order to fake confidence until it feels natural. From wearing an intoxicating niche fragrance that speaks of self assurance, to managing your internal monologue, we are going to share our top tips on how to appear confident even if inside you feel less than sure.
Why confidence matters
Even in a world that exists more and more online, confidence and charisma still holds power. The ability to persuasively communicate, hold your own in a conversation and concisely convey your wishes is one of the key ingredients for success. It is a statement of fact that we trust people who appear to know what they are talking about, and they invariably get more opportunities than their quieter colleagues. And this is true in your personal life as much as your professional one. Dating, socialising, even complaining when you get a subpar product or service: having a strong sense of self is an important part of being able to get what you want from life. But what happens when confidence doesn’t come to you naturally? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.
Let’s explore the ways that you can harness your inner confidence and move forward into a more assertive, outgoing future.
Clear Communication Is Key To Confidence
When you think of a confident person, how are they speaking? It is the verbal tics that can make us aware of a nervous communicator. When you feel the nerves creeping in, focus on speaking clearly and at a moderate pace. It is not a race to get your point across, and rushing or whispering will only make it worse for all involved. Equally, there are strategies you can use to control your voice if your nervousness could affect it. This includes using a steady tone, talking with the focus of the person furthest away, and strategically pausing to allow yourself time to think, rather than blurting out an answer.
Your word choice matters
A self possessed person has confidence in their topic and their place in the room, and as such will avoid using apologetic language. You can replicate this by minimising your use of phrases like “I think,” “maybe,” “just,” or over-apologising. You may think you are being self-deprecating, but the overall impression will be one of uncertainty, especially if you are in a professional setting.
Another big part of communication is that it is a two way street. People remember how you make them feel as much as what you actually say. Active listening is a skill we can all benefit from (Confident people fail to listen as much as shy people!). You can show your confidence with engaged listening – nodding, making eye contact, and asking clarifying questions. This demonstrates self-assurance and respect for others, plus it will distract you from the negative or nervous thoughts you may be having.
Prep carefully & set yourself up for success
One of the easiest ways to feel confident in what you are doing is to make sure that you ARE confident in what you are doing. Proper preparations, practice run throughs, research (such as locations, target audience, small talk topics: pretty much any variable that may make you nervous) can all help in the run up to an event that requires a more outgoing version of yourself.
If it is a presentation scenario, this is even more important. Rehearsing your presentations out loud, and preparing for challenging scenarios such as questions, will reduce your anxiety over the event itself and will allow you to speak with greater physical confidence.
Non-Verbal Cues Also Matter
We are more than what we say, and this is especially true when it comes to appearing confident. The main part of this is to not be afraid to take up space and to actively appear that you are thoroughly present in the room and with other people. There are a few ways you can achieve this.
Posture
We all know that hunching is bad for our spine, but it could also be hurting your outward appearance. Good posture, that is: standing tall with your shoulders back and your head up, will physically open you up. This openness can trigger a feeling of power and self-assurance in your brain. Conversely, slouching can make you feel smaller and less energetic, reinforcing feelings of insecurity. It is very much a two-way street – feeling confident can lead to better posture, and adopting better posture can actually make you feel more confident.
Eye contact
When you stand up straight you are also more likely to make eye contact, which is a big part of appearing confident.Looking someone in the eye shows that you are actively listening and engaged in what they are saying, implying that you are confident enough to be open to conversation. It is easy to get it wrong though. The quality and duration of eye contact really matters. Staring can be perceived as aggressive or uncomfortable, or that you are not even listening. The goal is to have a natural and comfortable level of eye contact, typically looking at someone for a few seconds at a time before briefly looking away, and alongside other facial signifiers that show that you are comfortable. Aim for a balance that feels engaged and respectful without being intense.
Be The Best Version Of Yourself
We all know the feeling of wearing a new outfit, the extra shine that comes from knowing that you look good. Try and replicate this in your everyday life, or have a go-to outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks for when you need the extra boost of confidence. But think deeper than that. Give yourself enough time to do your hair (and make up if that is your preference) but not so long that you have time to dwell and mess with your look. Perfume is another great tool for appearing confident: either a signature scent or an attention grabbing fragrance, such as the wonderfully evocative Arabian perfumes on the market, can announce your presence without you having to say a word. But do give any new aspect of your style a trial run, no one wants to be pulling down an uncomfortable top or flattening a new hairdo during a time when confidence needs to be at an all time high.
Long Term Confidence Requires A Shift In Mind-Set
Your mind is lying to you. Just because you feel something is true, does not make it so, and if you are nervous about something, your mind will do all that it can to try and make you end the circumstances that are worrying you. The overall goal of appearing confident is that one day it will become true, and in some circumstances that will happen. Think about your first day on a new job compared to your last – you felt confident in your role and amongst your peers by then. Such is the way with most situations. However, to become truly confident in yourself will take some deeper work. Here are few ways in which you can address your own sense of self in the long term:
Look at how you talk to yourself
How do you talk to and about yourself? When you talk to yourself, your body and mind does not know the difference between fact and lies. If the way you berate yourself would be embarrassing if directed at someone else, then it is time to address that. Become aware of and actively counter negative thoughts, as well as practicing a bit of self compassion when things don’t go to plan.
Embrace your imperfections
It is a point usually overlooked, but the most confident people in the room are not perfect. They are the ones who know their weaknesses and work with them! Half the time, the thing that you are most conscious of will either not even be noticed by others, or are actually a chance to grow. So you have a knowledge gap about the person you are chatting to? That’s a great chance to strike up a deeper conversation or create a connection.
Growing takes times, planning & goal setting
Our confidence grows with each new opportunity, skill and experience, but to achieve these you do need to get out of your comfort zone. Much like exposure therapy, the more you do, the more comfortable you will feel doing new things. Setting small, achievable goals can help you achieve this and the momentum from small wins can boost self-belief in the long term.
There is also a lot to be said for looking back as well. We are terrible at remembering our wins, with our memories hard wired to dwell on bad experiences. Give yourself credit for past successes and acknowledge your achievements whenever you can, especially on days when your confidence levels are low.
Don’t Mistake Arrogance For Confidence
Appearing confident is a valuable skill that can open doors and influence how you feel, but there is a fine line between faking confidence and appearing arrogant. The main difference is being able to back up what you have confidence in, such as the skills you are talking about. There is also the sense of superiority that is the hallmark of arrogance. A truly confident person does not need to look down on others to feel secure about their place in the world.
Final thoughts
Appearing confident is a valuable skill that can open doors and influence how you feel. But, as with any skill, it is something that takes practice. Start implementing these strategies today and watch your confidence -both perceived and real- grow and blossom.